In the Making
by IronGall
Summary: Edward and Bella marry at eighteen only to divorce six months later. After four years apart, they reunite and examine why they didn't work out in the first place. Still young but a lot more self-aware, they stand to gain as much as they could lose.


Contest entry for the Light The Darkness contest

Title: In the Making

Name: iron_gall on fictionpad

Twitter handle: iron_gall

Pairing: E/B

Rating: M

Pre-readers: Emily & Romy

Beta: AntrhoBug & ElleCC

Summary: Edward and Bella marry at eighteen only to divorce six months later. After four years apart, they reunite and examine why they didn't work out in the first place. Still young but a lot more self-aware, they stand to gain as much as they could lose.

Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

Getting married at eighteen had only been part of our problem. In a way, the road to our demise was paved with what every road to hell is: good intentions. Had we stayed married, we would be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary today. Sometimes, I allow myself to think about what that would look like.

Our marriage only lasted six months. It worked for two, crumbled for three, and spent a month falling completely apart. Each time a chunk of it fell around me, I could only sit and stare. I didn't make any effort to reinforce the weakened structure as it swayed dangerously over my head. I think Edward tried once to patch it up. He realized before I did that what we had was not a marriage.

I met Edward when I was sixteen years old. He and his mother had just moved into town, and as the new kid, he found himself alone during recess. As the resident loner, I understood his plight, and in a move that was bold for somebody like me, I approached him. We found that we had a lot in common and fell into an easy friendship that slowly turned into more. Much more.

During our senior year, Edward's home life reached a boiling point. His mother's boyfriend at the time was an abusive drunk who frequently ran Edward out of the house. He pleaded with his mother to leave him, but she was a woman in love. She chose her man over her son. One night, Edward showed up at my house. Having exhausted his welcome at his friends', he came to the one place he never thought he'd end up. My parents allowed him to stay on our couch that night but told us that they would not allow their daughter and her boyfriend to live under the same roof while unmarried.

I remember being outraged and infuriated. We weren't asking to share a bed, and to turn away a kid who had nowhere else to go was unforgivable. Their fundamentalist beliefs were incompatible with what we were asking. For years, I had been warring with them over their strictness, a result of becoming aware and critical of their teachings. A week later, Edward and I moved into a small cottage on the outskirts of town. I knew we were living in sin in my parents' eyes, but as I donned the first pair of pants I'd ever worn, I decided that perhaps their version of Christianity wasn't the right one for me. It was restrictive, and I sought to find a church that better suited my beliefs.

One of the perks of living in a tiny podunk town is that rent is cheap. Edward and I had to work our butts off in order to make rent and keep ourselves fed, but we did it. It felt so good to be able to listen to music (something my parents did not allow outside of Christian hymns) and read mainstream books. When we first moved in together, Edward and I vowed to remain chaste. We didn't want to rush into things neither of us felt ready for just because we were living under the same roof. In the beginning, we took turns taking the couch.

Two months before we were set to graduate, Edward got down on one knee and proposed. He'd bought me a simple diamond solitaire that made me feel like a high society woman. It was perfect. He'd even asked my dad for my hand in marriage, something I would have never thought to do. In between tears and kisses and loud affirmations of my acceptance, we slowly peeled off our clothes and made love for the first time.

We decided to get married as soon as we graduated. My parents were happier with us, and I felt the ice begin to melt. Our friends were a little confused as to why we would want to get married so young, and I heard whispers of how our foolishness would be rewarded with a short-lived union. Aside from my parents' support, which admittedly was fueled by their own interests, nobody else truly believed we should rush into marriage. Edward's mother told us we would be wise to wait but quickly lost interest. In the end, the hard-headedness, symptomatic of all youth won out, and we married that summer.

At first, everything was as it should be. We both worked and came home to cook together, watch a little television, and fall into bed naked. Every night was like a game of discovery. Edward was the first to go down on me. He left no part of me unkissed, unsucked, or unlicked. I had my first orgasm that way. The next night, I took him into my mouth. He didn't last.

In a flash, summer was over, and we both started classes at the local community college. Our schedules were incompatible, and there were days when we didn't spend any waking time together. We interacted through notes and texts. Work and school left little time for play. Only two months after our wedding, we had turned into parallel roads cursed to never intersect.

I don't know how it happened or why we were so quick to call it quits, but I will never forget that Saturday. I can still smell the cold coffee in my untouched mug as Edward and I sat at our kitchen table. Both of us with our rings in our hands instead of on our fingers.

After hours of the first conversation we'd had in a while, Edward finally did something that broke my heart.

"I don't feel a sense of togetherness anymore," he said.

"Why is this happening? I thought we were happy. It feels as though we were just the other day." I had already failed at containing my tears. I was fighting to contain the hiccupping sobs that I could feel bubbling up inside me.

Edward's eyes were red, his lashes wet, and his cheeks flushed.

"Maybe they were right to warn us. Maybe we needed more time to grow into ourselves or whatever. I'm sorry, Bella. I feel like I've failed you."

"But you're still my best friend. I know we haven't had a real conversation in months, but that's okay. Isn't it? Friends can go for long periods of time without talking and still love each other." I felt as though I was pleading at that point. I knew I had been the one to suggest a trial separation, but it had been a throwaway comment meant to hurt him. Hearing him hint at going through with it caused me to regret those words. I loathed them.

"We've fought every day for the past month. You've kicked me out of our room. I've spent days giving you the silent treatment. This isn't healthy."

Deep down, I knew his words to be true. Our relationship had become unhealthy. Instead of conversations, we had arguments. Instead of trying to work things out, I had resorted to asking him to sleep on the couch because I was too tired and I didn't want him there as a reminder of the business I'd left unfinished. He had resorted to not speaking to me for days at a time. He always came home but he didn't address me save for the necessary. Our monster had become too big and beyond the scope of our limited experience.

I thought back to the day I accused him of not doing anything nice for me anymore. He'd arrived home tired and upset over a bad grade on a test. I had been home stewing over the fact that I wanted romance and felt as though Edward hadn't been doing a good enough job in that department. I didn't even let him take a break before laying into him and throwing all my frustrations at his feet.

Deciding that I couldn't argue with Edward's assessment, I conceded.

"I guess I can move in with my parents. I'll help you out with rent for as long as you need." I felt as though my offer was lame, but I bore no ill will toward him. We had somehow entered a rough patch from which we weren't able to emerge, and part of me felt responsible. And I was.

When I moved back into my parents' house, they were surprisingly accepting. They didn't preach, meddle, or criticize. They were simply there for me. They even encouraged me to transfer to a big university in the city. I did just that, thinking the change of pace and scenery would do me good. By Christmas, I was all moved in and ready to start classes in January. Edward and I had kept in touch but just barely. He had moved into a town only minutes away from where I was and had found a better job as well as an online school.

I was too afraid to ask him what we were going to do about us. I wanted to be together, and I wanted to believe we could work it out, but neither of us had done anything to get to that point. My heart felt heavy and fragile. I was close to shattering, but I held out hope that Edward would come through with a grand gesture declaring his undying love.

February used to be the month of love. Red hearts and cupids, roses and boxes of chocolate. It became the month of unanswered calls and dissolution of marriage papers. I gasped as I stared at the offending documents. My hands trembled, and my heart skipped a few beats. I immediately pulled out my phone and called him.

"You got the papers." He wasn't asking.

"We didn't even talk about this! Edward, why would you do this?" Saying the words took the air out of my lungs, and I was having a hard time catching my breath. I was drowning in the realization that Edward and I were truly over.

"I"ve been calling you for weeks. You never take my calls or call me back. I thought you'd moved on. I'm doing this for us. I'm setting you free."

I couldn't say anything to him as I sniffled, sobbed, and generally made impolite noises with my nose. I could hear Edward talking, asking me to calm down, but I couldn't. I was distraught, even though part of me knew I had no right to be.

I finally calmed down enough to listen to what Edward was saying.

"Bella, baby. I'm going to miss your brown eyes in the morning light. I'm going to miss finding strands of your hair stuck to my white undershirts. I'm going to miss feeling your warmth as you sleep beside me. Most of all, I'm going to miss my best friend. I have missed you so much these past few months." His voice wavered throughout his statement, and his words only made me cry harder. This was goodbye.

"I still want to wake up next to you. I still want all that. I don't know why I couldn't talk to you before. I'm stupid. Please forgive me." I had already lost him, but I was not above begging.

He was crying now. I could hear the congestion in his nose. I could almost smell his tears.

"We need to do this. Please sign the papers, Bella. Please."

Each pass of my pen next to the "sign here" stickers that littered the papers felt like a blade over my skin. Once I was done, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I think I may have slept on the bathroom floor that night.

I spent a few days thinking about how stupid I had been to believe that Edward and I could make it. That getting married right after high school would somehow work out for us. Were we too young? That was a question that would always plague me. Why did we fail? Even at my age, I knew the answer to that one: we had stopped trying. At least I know I had. I had dived head first into my classes and the newfound freedom I now enjoyed. I had attended every special presentation on campus, spent every free moment taking in as much as I could. Looking at our marriage under the harsh lights of the morgue it lay dead in I could see. I could see how we had become nothing more than roommates. I could see how we had never discussed the important stuff. I didn't even know if Edward wanted kids. How could I not know that of the man I had joined my life with?

The truth made me cry harder, and every time I allowed myself to feel like a martyr, I hated myself a little more. Edward wasn't blameless, but I was the only person within reach of my self-flagellation.

The months that followed are a little blurry. I did everything on autopilot. I attended classes and went to work. Every day was pretty much the same: I thought of him and wondered how he was and what he was doing. On more than one occasion, I thought about trying to call him, but the memory of our last conversation quickly disabused me of that idea. Whenever I thought of the possibility of Edward finding somebody else, I always felt nauseous. Edward didn't make sense with anybody else. I didn't make sense without him.

It was during one of my pity parties that I met my current roommate, Alice. She sat at my table and asked me what was wrong. You know how sometimes the right person comes along at the perfect time? That was Alice's perfect time. I needed a friend, and she became so much more than that. Four years and a college graduation later, we are still the best of friends.

After graduation, I decided to stay in town rather than move back home. Alice had the same idea, and we decided to get an apartment together. It was during our apartment hunting that I met Jacob.

I dated Jacob for almost a year. The first time we had sex I almost lost my mind. It had been difficult for me to assimilate the fact that I was going to let somebody else into a place where only Edward had been. It felt wrong. Luckily, Jacob was a sweet guy, and he was patient with me. With him, I discovered and expanded my sexuality. I liked spending time with him, but I couldn't get to that place of love. I couldn't help but think of Edward every now and then. We'd cut off all contact save for the stray text or email wishing each other a happy birthday or Merry Christmas, but still in my heart, there was unfinished business there. Divorce papers don't sever the hearts that bind us. Our love was forged in iron sprinkled with diamond dust.

After Jacob, I only dated casually. I couldn't do long term relationships, and my mind always went back to Edward. What if? What if? What if?

Today, I find myself alone in my apartment. Alice and Jasper have just left, and I'm sitting here both happy and sad that they've gotten engaged. I'm losing my roommate and friend. I know that she will still be my friend, but somehow, knowing that she will move out conjures up memories of the last time a person I lived with left.

The sadness that hits me is deep and oppressive. It hangs around my neck and presses on my chest. I try to dislodge the uneasy feeling with a glass of wine and a movie. Long after the movie credits have rolled and the television screen is a black abyss of nothingness, my phone rings.

As his name lights up my screen, I feel a jolt of electricity in my chest. I don't hesitate and answer.

"Edward," I whisper.

"I thought maybe you had changed your number." He sounds relieved.

"Why would I? I always hoped I'd hear from you," I admit without the embarrassment that plagued me before.

"I needed to hear your voice. I needed to know you were all right."

"I don't really know. I've missed you." My voice is barely a whisper. Admitting this to him feels dangerous.

He sighs. "I've missed you, too."

His admission makes my heart soar in a way that it hasn't since we were together. Even through my joyous haze there is a little voice in my head that wonders why he chose this moment to give me a call.

"Edward, I have to be honest with you," I say with a little trepidation. "As excited as I am feeling right now, I need to know why you decided to call me out of the blue." My heart threatens to beat its way out of my chest as I fear that my questioning of his motives might put him off.

He exhales but doesn't hang up. I take this as a good sign and allow myself to relax a little.

"I've been thinking about you. A lot. Every now and then I wonder about your life." I hear him swallow and it calms me further to know that he feels what I am feeling. "I had a dream the other night. Gosh, this sounds a lot more ridiculous saying it aloud. Anyway, I woke up with this uneasy feeling about you. I just felt like I had to check up on you. Believe me, I tried talking myself out of it but I just couldn't shake it."

I'm rather surprised at what prompted his call, but a bigger part of me preens at the idea that he still thinks about me at all.

"Please say something. I feel like a creep right now. Bella?" His voice is off and I know he's most likely freaking out.

"I'm here," I say, unsure of how to continue this conversation without coming across as overeager. "I've wanted to call you, too. I've, um," I close my eyes and focus on my breathing as my nerves threaten to bubble over into tears. "I've pulled up your number on my phone, but I never mustered the courage to actually dial. I guess part of me was trying to let you go. Let us go."

"Me, too," he says softly. There is sadness in his voice, and I feel as though we are breaking up all over again. Amazingly, just one conversation with him brings up the past almost too vividly.

"Bella, I realize I've no right to, but I'd like to talk to you. In person. If you're free of course."

The pounding in my chest returns with a renewed vigor, and I nod furiously until Edward asks me again.

"Sorry, I was nodding," I say trying not to laugh. My elation is making me giddy. "We can talk. What did you want to talk about?"

"Everything. I just want to catch up and have a real conversation face to face."

My stomach drops at the prospect of seeing Edward again. It's not that I don't want to, but I am scared about going down this road. Even though part of me wants to run away, I decide that enough time has passed, and that I am ready for this.

We spend only a few more minutes on the phone hashing out details, and when we finally say goodnight it's with a promise to meet up the next day. Feeling that either of our homes is too intimate for a first meeting in over four years, we agree to meet at a restaurant convenient to both of us.

I'm a ball of nerves ready to burst as I sit at a booth I have selected for its privacy. When I finally see him enter, my insides turn to goo. He's bigger, different, and the same all at once. He sees me, and something crosses his face. It's a look I've seen before. It's the exact same look he had when he saw me in my wedding dress for the first time. My knees feel shaky at this realization, and in this moment, I feel like the groom watching his bride walk down the aisle.

I stand to greet him, and I'm not even upright before his arms are around me giving me the best hug I've ever received.

"You still smell the same," he says softly into my ear.

I am incapable of speech, so I nod and hug him back. When we finally separate and take our seats, it's as if our marriage and divorce never happened. He fills me in about his life. He's doing his masters in engineering and working part time at a firm. His eyes sparkle as he tells me that his relationship with his mother is greatly improved, and that he sees her almost every weekend.

When the inevitable topic comes up, I tell him about Jacob and the other guys I have dated. When I inquire about his love life, he blushes and tells me something I didn't expect to hear.

"I know this isn't the kind of thing you'd expect to hear from a guy but I haven't had sex with anybody."

His revelation feels like a slap in the face. I can't help but feel guilty about my escapades even though I was and continue to be single. Knowing that Edward wasn't actively trying to move on saddens me more than it should. Perhaps another person would feel flattered, and maybe part of me is, but the overwhelming feeling washing over me is not one of glee.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting that."

"Because I'm a guy?"

"No, because it makes me feel bad."

"Hey, I didn't tell you that so you'd feel bad," he says as he reaches across the table and gently grazes my hand with his. "I just want to be honest with you."

I nod and give him my best smile. It's hard to squash the feelings of inadequacy and shame that inexplicably overcome me, but our entrees give me a reprieve for which I am endlessly thankful.

Conversation is easier and less heavy as we eat, and it's evening by the time we exit the restaurant. Our goodbye is only a little awkward. We settle on a hug and whispered plans of seeing each other again.

As I walk home, I am unsure as to what any of it means, but I am suddenly in possession of a new and wonderful feeling: hope.

The next morning as I lie in bed, I think back to a conversation Alice and I had back when I fell into a funk. She got me to talk about Edward, and she gave me her assessment of the situation. I didn't pay it any attention then, but the conversation has stayed with me.

"Bella, I really think you and Edward are meant to be. From what you've told me, it feels as though the timing wasn't right. And neither were your reasons. You were both escaping. He was running from a bad home, and you were rebelling against your parents. The relationship became secondary. It's like you were both ship and harbor. You weathered the storm all wrong."

For some reason, that spurs me to call Edward. I don't really have a reason, so I decide to beat a dead horse by asking him why he called me.

He answers within three rings, and I dive right in.

"Why did you wait all this time to call me?"

My opening must've stunned him into silence because it takes a long pause for him to speak again.

"I guess," he says with a sound of confusion in his voice. "I guess I was tired of waiting for you to call me."

I realize that I has used my perpetual habit of putting my happiness and my needs squarely on his shoulders. I'd always been under the assumption that it was men who screwed up relationships. That men were the cowards who couldn't show love, but in the end, the coward had been me all along.

"I should've packed love notes in your lunch," I said.

"What are you talking about?" he asks sounding genuinely confused.

"Remember how we used to pack our lunch together the night before? We were too broke to eat out for lunch every day, and we didn't have enough time to go home to eat before work. Anyway, we used to pack each other's lunches. You always snuck a piece of celery in mine." The memory causes me to long for those easy days when we were blissfully unaware of what our future held.

He laughs. "I knew you were sick of celery, but I liked seeing you pout." There is tenderness and nostalgia in his words. Edward had always been one for goodnatured ribbing and pranking.

"When I accused you of not being romantic, I didn't think of all the little things you did for me everyday. I was only thinking of big things, like flowers and chocolate and fancy dinners. But you would write notes for me and put them in my lunch. And you'd always leave surprises in my coat pocket."

"That didn't always turn out very well."

"Not the time I sat on it all day and the chocolate melted." Laughter escapes me when I picture what I must've looked like to Edward when he walked in on me furiously scrubbing the inside of my coat pocket all the while lamenting the wasted chocolate rather than the manual labor that resulted from it.

"What are you trying to say, Bella?"

"I am now painfully aware that I expected you to carry our relationship for the both of us. I wasn't very attentive to you. I'm sorry." It feels good to say it, and I mean it.

"I'm sorry, too. I wish we'd talked, but most of all, I wish we'd gotten help. Neither of us thought to do so, at least not that I recall. But, what I am most sorry for is for the way I sent you those divorce papers. I didn't give you a chance to express an opinion. I was just done."

"Do you think we were too young? Was that part of our problem?" I don't know why I am asking, but it's a question that has always plagued me, and one that I believe only Edward could possibly answer.

"Yes and no. I think we were too young for the responsibility of such a commitment. We didn't really date. We started playing house while still in high school. I still can't believe we did that, but I am glad we did. All things considered, if I didn't get out of my mom's house... Well, you know how desperate I had become." His words make me feel as though he is holding something back, but I decide not to press him right now. We've dug up a lot of old bones tonight, and that is enough for me.

When we hang up I am left wondering if we are headed for reconciliation. I know in my heart I still want to be with him. I don't regret much in my life, but I do regret how I handled it all four years ago. A part of me believes that our divorce was necessary. I think it's the same part that still holds out hope that we will be together again. I am a twenty-two-year-old divorced woman contemplating the possibility of re-marrying her ex-husband. But maybe I have jumped too far ahead and immediately feel silly.

I let a few days go by before calling Edward again and asking him out on an actual date. I even use the word and everything. He agrees enthusiastically.

"This is too easy," I say to Alice as I apply a second coat of mascara.

"It does seem that way, but is it really easy? You aren't even together officially. You're just doing now what you didn't do before. Dating post divorce isn't the norm, but in your case it's necessary. You're getting reacquainted. Don't overthink this." Alice makes perfect sense, she's always been sensible and to the point. I need her no-nonsense honesty now more than ever.

"How can being around him still feel so familiar? I have this uneasy feeling that I'm imagining the whole thing."

Alice stops fussing with her hair for a moment and uses her brush to point at me. "You need to stop that. You're spending too much time questioning your reality instead of living it. I can't tell you that it's all going to work out, but I am encouraging you to follow your heart. If he were an abusive asshole, I wouldn't, but you two didn't break up over something putrid."

"I'm trying, Alice. I really am, but I really want things to be different this time." I slip into a pair of red flats before checking myself in the mirror one last time.

"You look perfect," Alice offers as she secures a barrette into her previously short and spiky do. It is now in that awkward "grow out" phase, as she calls it.

"Thank you. I'll see you later. Will you be staying at Jasper's tonight?"

"Probably. Call me if you need anything."

Edward and I are meeting at a nearby restaurant for dinner. He insisted it be closer to me since I told him driving on the highway makes me nervous. I tried to protest, but he insisted. I arrive at the restaurant about twenty minutes before our agreed-upon time, but before I can enter, I see Edward waving to me from across the street.

I smile at him and wait for him to make his way over to me. I had been hoping I'd have a little time to gather myself before he arrived, but his presence makes me calm in an unnerving way.

"Hey," he says. His lips quickly find my cheek, and his hand gently grazes my back.

"You're early," I say into his chest.

"So are you."

We enter the restaurant together and are seated quickly. There are no booths in this restaurant, but the dining room is small and the lighting makes it feel cozy. The food and drinks come and go much too soon, and before I know it, we are back outside.

I ask Edward if he wants to see where I live. He seems to consider it for a moment before saying yes. He follows me in his car for the ten minute drive. The inside of my car might as well be a sauna because I am sweating as though it were. I crank up the air conditioning and direct all the vents so that they blow in my direction. As I start to cool off, I relax a little. I feel as though so much is riding on this first date, and there is a lot I want to do differently this time.

When we arrive at my apartment, I am a ball of nerves but manage to keep my cool enough that I don't fumble with my keys when I try to get my door unlocked.

"This is nice, Bella. You and your roommate have done this place up nicely." He is perusing our shelves, and I internally cringe as I remember the photo album I keep there. I hope he doesn't notice it.

"Thank you. We've changed it up a little since college, but the starting salary for a teacher doesn't allow me to bankroll a huge overhaul."

"Starting out is always difficult," he offers, and I don't know if he's referring to us as much as he's referring to my career.

"Are we difficult? I mean, are we starting out? Again." I don't wait for him to answer as I make my way to the kitchen for some water. My throat is feeling dry, and my nervousness is making the room spin. I can feel him following me, but I don't turn to face him as I push my glass into the water dispenser in the fridge door.

"Please look at me, Bella. I know you're scared. I am, too."

I turn from my spot in front of the fridge and look at him. He looks almost as uneasy as I feel.

"I regret signing those divorce papers," I say. "We never should have reached that point. I mean, we shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with." I have no idea where I am trying to take this conversation. All I know is that I want to put it all out there.

Edward takes me by the hand and leads me back into the living room. Once we are both seated, he begins, "We can't keep beating ourselves up over all of that. We were young and trying to do the right thing. When you told me you were going to go against your parents and get that cottage with me, I knew I shouldn't have agreed to that, but I also knew you to be fully capable of making your own choices. I've never told anybody this, but I was planning to hurt myself." He pauses, shutting his eyes as if to give himself the courage to continue. "I was so desperate to escape my life I thought of the worst possible solution. Then out of nowhere, you hatched this crazy perfect plan that saved my life."

His grip on my hand tightens while his eyes remain shut tight.

He sits back into the couch, his hand slipping from mine, and rubs his thighs. I am stunned at his revelation. Edward is no longer the desperate seventeen-year-old boy that was refused asylum by my parents, but I can't help the sadness that blooms in my chest. I can't find the words to respond, so I smile at him, and for the first time all night I don't feel the weight of our past on my shoulders. Without knowing it, Edward has just set me free. If our failed marriage and divorce is what came from the decisions we made that saved his life, then so be it.

I pry one of his hands off his thigh and take it in mine. It's a simple gesture, but for us it's so much more. It feels like a promise.

I feel as though we are past the point of asking each other to go steady, but just to be sure, I tell him that I'd like to date exclusively. He pulls me in for a kiss that feels like our first and promises to never be the last.

Edward leaves a little before nine o'clock, and as soon as he's gone, I pick up the phone to call my mom. My relationship with my parents is no longer strained. I am beginning to realize that my leaving home and going against them and their beliefs changed my life for the better. It's changed theirs as well. It's funny how perspective changes our feelings.

"Swan residence," my mom says in a tone more fitting for business office than a home. I roll my eyes at this continued practice.

"Mom, it's me."

"Oh, hello, dear. How are you?"

"I'm well. How are you guys?"

"Keeping busy. Your father is on duty tonight, and I was just putting away some leftovers. Is something the matter? You normally call on Sundays. It's only Wednesday."

"Nothing is wrong, Mom. Something is very right." I take a deep breath before continuing, "Edward and I are dating again. I wanted to let you and Dad know that we're together. It would mean a lot to me if you gave me your blessing."

We've never spoken about my marriage and the dissolution of the same. I have always been afraid to bring it up because rehashing the past doesn't seem conducive to a good relationship with my parents.

"I was hoping this would happen. I've prayed for you and Edward to find your way back to each other."

This conversation is taking an unexpected turn.

"Wow, I am surprised to hear you say that, Mom."

She sighs and clears her throat. I expect her to say something right away but she takes some time to gather her thoughts.

"Bella, your father and I have made many mistakes in our lives. The first was turning Edward away. By turning him away, we turned you away. Our daughter. You'd never failed us and always obeyed us even when you questioned us. If we had done the right thing, you kids wouldn't have run off to live together and get married. When Edward came to ask your father for your hand, we felt absolved. If you two got married, we would no longer be parents to a daughter who was living in sin. I am sorry that we used your life as a way to feel better about ours."

I have a lump in my throat so large it hurts when I try to swallow.

"Mom...why didn't you say anything when I moved back home only six months after our wedding? Why didn't you try to meddle as you always had before?" I decide that if we are going to dig up the past, I might as well do it thoroughly and get all my questions answered.

She sighs, and I can tell that she's trying not to cry by the deep breaths she is taking. "When you moved out your father and I began to go to a new church. Pastor Weber counseled us, and we've changed our views about a lot of things."

I can barely recognize my mother as the woman who is speaking. Accustomed to walking on eggshells, I avoided a lot of topics around them. Thankfully, my parents were big on avoidance, so the fact that I hadn't attended church in years had never come up, and I am sure they were only too happy to ignore the fact that I'd been married and divorced.

We talk for a while longer, both of us eventually succumbing to our tears and exchanging apologies for every trespass and hurt feeling. When we finally hang up, it's close to midnight, and I am exhausted. I'm also filled with giddiness at the prospect of getting a second chance with Edward.

Edward and I see each other as much as we can over the next few weeks. I am beginning to resent the fact that he hasn't invited me to his apartment when he extends an invitation. I try not to sound as excited as I feel when I accept.

It takes me about thirty minutes to drive out to where Edward lives. When I arrive, I am stunned by the location. From his building, Edward has amazing views of Lake Washington. As I make my way to the front entrance of the building, I can't help but wonder how on earth he can afford this place. I know he works and all ,but it's only part time.

He's waiting for me in the lobby, and for a moment, I forget all about my questions as I focus on the fact that he's opening up his home to me.

When we reach his apartment, I finally break my silence.

"Edward, this place is amazing. How do you do it?"

"I've been meaning to tell you about this, but I don't even know where to begin," he says.

"You know you can tell me anything," I offer.

"Let me get us some drinks, and I'll fill you in."

He shows me to his living room before stepping into the kitchen for supplies. His apartment is simply but tastefully furnished. Even though he's obviously not a teenager anymore, the style is one I can recognize as his own. His couch is very comfortable, and there's a chenille throw draped over one of the arms. I gently rub it between my thumb and forefinger as I glance around.

Edward returns with bottles of Izze soda and various bags of chips and crackers. This is a classic Edward and Bella snack. I'm touched that he remembers and quickly get up to help him set everything down on the coffee table.

"Cranberry, I love this flavor the most I think." I accept the bottle from Edward's extended hand and take a sip.

"It's my favorite, too," he says.

We take a few sips in silence, but before it becomes uncomfortable, Edward speaks up. "This is my dad's condo. He found me about two years ago."

I almost spit out my soda at this revelation and feel myself getting teary-eyed. Edward's mom had left his father when Edward was five years old. I never found out the exact circumstances, but I know that Edward and his mom had bounced around until they settled down in Forks.

"How? Why didn't he find you sooner?" I ask.

"It turns out my mother had been limiting our communication for my entire life. She'd always told me that he left us, but after badgering her for months she eventually admitted that she had been the one to go. I don't think she has ever figured out why. She's not right in the head most of the time. Her reasoning has always defied logic."

"Esme has certainly made some questionable choices. Is your father a bad person or something?"

"Not at all. He's amazing." He takes a moment to smile. "When he finally tracked me down, the first thing he did was pay me every single cent of the child support he was never able to get to me. He had been setting it aside since the day my mother disappeared. At first, I was angry at him for not finding me sooner, but he told me he was a medical student doing his residency, and he didn't have the money or knowledge to do much about it. At the time, the situation was bigger than he was. My mother wasn't completely heartless, though. She would send him a postcard every few months letting him know we were alive. She'd even send him a picture or two whenever the mood struck her."

It's amazing to me that Edward's father has turned out to be an honorable man. We'd never discussed his absence much because Edward had grown up not having a father. He'd never wanted for anything, and until his mother started dating the scourge of the Earth, he'd had a stable home life. Still, having Edward's father back in his life is huge.

"Has he remarried?"

Edward smiles. "Would you believe that he and my mother are still legally married? Neither took any measures to sever that tie, and to this day, their marriage stands. He has dated, but he hasn't had any more kids or anything like that."

"Well, the only thing left for him to do is go visit your mother and win her back. Like that would ever happen," I say, punctuating the statement with an unladylike snort.

Edward's eyes widen. "Well, they are talking."

"This is incredible. You have your father back, and your mother is even on speaking terms with him. The last few years have been good to you."

He moves closer to me and takes my hand in his. "Good except for one thing. I missed my wife."

"I haven't been your wife in a long time, Edward."

"Maybe not out there, "he says, pointing toward the window. "But in here" –he places our joined hands over his chest – "you've always been mine. And I have been yours."

His words are sweet, and so are his lips. Kissing him softly but with everything that I have, I feel nothing but devotion pouring out of me. I hope he can feel it.

Later, as we nibble on junk food, he tells me all about his dad. He is a pediatric surgeon working in Seattle. His name is Carlisle. I am not sure if I knew this before or not, but the information feels new. We spend most of the evening talking about his dad and what having him back in his life is like. Oddly, Edward doesn't seem to care why or how his mother left. He says it's all in the past, and he can't change it, and at this point, understanding it isn't his priority. Maybe it's because he's a guy, but I can't help but wonder why Esme did what she did.

It's close to midnight when we finally look at the time. I help Edward put away the leftover Thai food we had delivered and clear up the coffee table. This takes me back to when we would clean up together. We automatically resumed the tasks we'd do back then.

"It's late," he says once I close the door to the dishwasher.

"I know. I'm going to go now."

"I didn't say it to kick you out. I said it because I'd like you to stay the night."

"Oh. Okay."

Edward is all smiles, but it occurs to me that we haven't done anything sexual since we started seeing each other again. Edward hasn't even tried, and although I've turned up the heat on our make-out sessions, he has steered us away from heavy petting every time I swerved that way.

I follow him into his bedroom, wondering if tonight will offer some sort of relief to the sexual tension I've been grappling with. He hands me a t-shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms along with a toothbrush still in its packaging. I'm feeling a little awkward for some reason, but I'm hopeful that my time in the bathroom will remedy that. I set my purse on the counter and pull out some makeup remover wipes, thankful that I'd forgotten to take them out since purchasing them the day before.

I take off my earrings and necklace and stow them in a zippered pocket before brushing my teeth. I take a few moments to stare at myself in the mirror. It's a technique that has worked for me in the past whenever I was feeling anxious. Staring myself down into growing a pair seems to help, and I exit the bathroom feeling confident.

Edward is in bed with a book, and it's a sight that is both familiar and sexy. I have always loved Edward in his glasses.

"I used the bathroom down the hall," he says, putting his book down.

"I'm sorry I took too long." I sit on the edge of the bed, hesitating.

He pats the spot next to him, and I quickly get under the sheets. Sliding up next to him is a revelation. My body is on edge and nerves are making me feel a bit cold. Edward notices and wraps his arms around me.

"Are you okay? This is too much, isn't it?"

"No, it's not. I don't know why I'm so nervous."

"I'm nervous, too. Everything feels like it used to, but at the same time, it feels ten times more important. I don't want to screw this up."

I decide that kissing is easier than talking at this point, so I pull his face to mine and bring my lips to his. It isn't long before I am beneath him, feeling just how much I still turn him on. When I start to fumble with the waist of his pants, he stops me.

"Wait," he whispers, and it feels like he's doused me with ice water.

"What is it, Edward? You don't want to have sex with me?"

He shakes his head and sits back up. "It's not that I don't want to. Clearly, I do. It's just that…"

The words fly out of my mouth before I can think them through. "I'm a whore. I've slept with other guys, and now you can't help but see me differently."

His eyes hold an expression that I can only describe as murderous. I've seldom seen him this angry. "Don't ever call yourself that. You are not a whore. How can you think so little of me that you believe that just because you've exercised agency over your body I'd rebuke you? Bella, I don't care how many men you've slept with as long as from now on I'll be last man to ever fuck you."

I gasp at his use of the work "fuck". It's been so long since I have heard it fall from his lips.

"Then why?"

"Because I feel like an inexperienced fool who will most likely embarrass himself by coming too fast. I haven't gained any experience during our time apart aside from watching porn, but I know that isn't exactly instructional. I'm just afraid I won't do it for you."

I shake my head, knowing in my heart that his fears are unfounded. "You shouldn't feel that way. Let's take things slowly, and before we do anything I'll get tested."

"You don't have to do that. I trust you."

"And I appreciate that, but it's the right thing to do."

He doesn't argue further, and instead he pulls me closer to him. He nuzzles my neck and kisses me there. It isn't long before we are both tumbling toward sleep.

It's been a month since I spent the night at Edward's, and since then, we've alternated spending weekends at each other's places. Alice is never home on weekends, especially now that she is planning her wedding. I thought she'd plan some elaborate thing, but it sounds as if she's going for low key. I have a sneaking suspicion that theirs will turn out to be a rather short engagement. She mentioned last night that Jasper was thinking about moving back to Texas, and he even has a few job interviews in the coming weeks.

I'm getting that sick feeling I get whenever changes are approaching. Part of me is sad that Alice will soon be off living her happily-ever-after with Jasper. Another part of me is thrilled for her. I decide to focus on my own life instead of my friend's. Part of me realizes that the fact that she's moving forward makes me feel left behind. I wonder if perhaps Edward and I are ready to continue where we left off. I know in my heart that things will be different this time. The passage of time has worked like a pumice stone on our rough edges.

I make an appointment with my gynecologist in between making lists and sorting clothes for laundry. A plan is forming in my head, and for once I am going to go with my gut instead of second-guessing myself at every turn.

A week and a half later, I am certified disease-free and armed with a renewed prescription for birth control pills. Edward and I have yet to have sex, but he did let me give him a blowjob a few days ago. He was so overwhelmed and nervous that he needed a second blowjob just to relax.

We have plans to have dinner later, and I am guessing we will end up at his place afterward. I have an overnight bag packed just in case. Inside, I have packed the usual along with a box from Tiffany & Co. I plan to present Edward with. I am excited and buzzing with adrenaline about what I plan to do.

Dinner is at the same bistro where we met up for the first time since our divorce. It's only been a few months since we got back together, but it feels like a lot longer than that. Shortly after we are seated, I slide over the envelope with my lab results to him.

"What's this?" he asks as he pulls the paper from the envelope.

I remain silent as I watch him unfold the sheet and scan it.

I take a moment to say a silent prayer. I have so much riding on this night, and I need to feel that God is on my side. I mulled this over for days, seeking His guidance. When I reached my decision, I felt at peace. Nervous, excited, and a little scared but confident.

When I open my eyes, I see Edward smiling at me. He's put the envelope away and has his arms stretched out toward me over the table, his hands inviting mine to his.

"Thank you," he says. I can tell that he means it.

"You're welcome. I told you it was the right thing to do."

"I know, and I respect as much as I appreciate you doing this. I would have never even thought to ask you for this, but it's right. Which is why I got tested as well." He reaches into his jacket and pulls out his own envelope. He passes it to me with a grin.

After we order our entrees, I decide that I cannot wait for the requisite perfect moment I have envisioned, and so I sneak my hand into my purse and pull out the box I impulsively threw in there at the last minute.

When I rise from my seat, Edward looks puzzled but doesn't say anything. I slowly take the two steps it takes for me to be at his side and kneel down before him.

"Edward, these past few months have been the biggest blessing I never thought to ask for. Maybe my heart did, but my conscious mind did not. I have prayed for you every day, that we have been together and apart. In more ways than I can count, I have been missing you from my life. Now that I have you back, I don't intend to let you go. That is why I am asking you to be my husband once again. It doesn't have to be right away, but I'd like to know that that's where we are headed. It's not customary to give a man an engagement ring, but I have these cufflinks I'd like you to wear on our wedding day."

I am proud of myself for not throwing up mid-speech. Edward looks stunned and possibly sick, but I know he feels the same. I know that I don't need to doubt him.

"I love you, Bella. I never stopped. I always will. And yes, I will marry you again. As soon as you'll have me."

With that he pulls me up and into his arms. Our moment is perfect, and I don't even feel the many eyes that are likely upon us. Our audience has the consideration to not clap, but when I return to my seat I see the smiles and approving faces of our fellow food arrives, and I know I won't remember a thing about how it tastes. That is an unimportant detail at the moment. I am engaged to Edward.

Much like the night of our first engagement ,we spend it wrapped around each other. I can't help the little bit of self-doubt and self-consciousness that seep into me as soon as it's clear that we are actually getting naked with each other. Even though there's a little fear, everything feels right and familiar and yet new and exciting.

I can tell that Edward is nervous, but once our bodies make contact, the sensation becomes white noise that drowns out all of the garbage clouding our minds. As we move together, I can't help but smile as I watch Edward move above me, eyes closed in blissed-out concentration.

I don't know for sure where we will end up, but this is a start. We are getting a second chance.


End file.
